Sonia N. becomes 'persona non grata' to her in-laws

Widow Sonia N. as she prepares to tell us about the tribulations her in-laws put her through

Esther Nyacke Ntah

WWO Community Manager, Francophone Africa

Sonia arrived at our office on 26 July 2025 at around 12 noon. The first words she said to us were: "Madam, I am desperate. I have just lost my husband and my in-laws are already rejecting me. They have released the mourning programme, and my name is not on it. Dr. Sonia N. (this is the pseudonym we gave her in accordance with her desire to remain anonymous) learned about the World Women´s Observatory (WWO) from her friend. It was her friend who advised her to meet with us, in the hope that we might be able to provide a solution to her current troubles.

When we invited Sonia to sit down, she told us about her troubles in tears. She told us that her husband had died on 13 July 2025 in Douala as a result of a traffic accident. Except that before he passed away, he had been in a coma for several hours, and no member of his family had bothered to inform her. It was ultimately one of her husband's employees who broke the bad news to her. When Sonia arrived at the hospital where her husband was being treated, she was not allowed to see him. Without understanding why, her mother-in-law had given instructions for her to be forbidden from approaching her injured son.

She was therefore forced to wait in a corner of the hospital. Shortly afterwards, her husband passed away. After his body was taken to the morgue, his younger brother hastily closed the flat he occupied in Douala, confiscated all his important documents – identity card, bank cards, etc. – and, above all, blocked his bank accounts. Although surprised by the sudden reversal in her in-laws' behaviour, Sonia remained calm. She only wanted one thing: to arrange a dignified funeral for her husband. She never imagined that her mother-in-law would set the date of the funeral without consulting her. Worse still, her in-laws produced mourning programmes in which her widow was not mentioned. It was then that Sonia realised, to her astonishment, that her in-laws really could no longer tolerate her in their midst.

Widow Sonia N. watches the film "In-visibles", part of the World Women's Observatory campaign

When asked if she was legally married, and under what regime, Sonia replied that she and her husband had been married since 2016 under a monogamous regime. They had four young children, who live with her in Yaoundé in their marital home. For professional reasons, her husband was forced to move to the city of Douala. Admittedly, this caused disruption to their lifestyle, but her husband always managed to return to his beloved family at weekends.

As infidelity is a common sin among our men, we wanted to know whether Sonia's husband had taken a mistress in Douala. Sonia was unable to answer this question. She simply shrugged her shoulders and commented, "None of that matters anymore, since my husband has passed away." Despite her indifference, we advised her to remain vigilant, as her in-laws' actions towards her suggest that other unpleasant surprises may be in store. Sonia was aware of it and was frightened. But for the time being, she wanted to first correct the wrong they had done by not recognising her as the legitimate wife of the deceased.

To help Sonia N., To help Sonia N., we suggested that she in turn produce a mourning programme in which the honour would go to her children and herself. This idea lit up her big, tearful eyes. A few days later, the death notice for Dr Sonia N.'s husband appeared. And all the sceptics finally realised that Sonia was indeed the wife of the deceased.

To prevent Sonia from foolishly losing her property, we also suggested that she contact the Ministry for the Promotion of Women and the Family (Minproff). This ministerial department has established an association of widows whose mission is to protect widows from abuse inflicted by their in-laws after the death of their spouses. To convince her, we explained that "this association will help you defend your inheritance." Unfortunately, Sonia rejected this suggestion. She cared little about her inheritance, fearing that she would lose her life or that of her children by engaging in a property dispute with her in-laws. Even her father asked her to give up everything to them if necessary. Moreover, to keep them at a distance, she decided that her widowhood rite would be performed not by them, but by priests.

Dr Sonia's case surprised us, given that in the fight against violence towards women, it is rare for intellectual women to be victims of violence. Popular belief has always suggested that it is poor and uneducated women who suffer abuse. That is why they have always been encouraged to free themselves from their tormentors by learning skills that will enable them to become independent. However, Dr Sonia's situation contradicts this preconceived idea. Sonia is an educated woman who is financially secure. Yet her status did not deter her in-laws from mistreating her after her husband's death. As for her, it seemed absurd to us that, with her intellectual background, she would agree to lose her widow's rights on the basis of fallacious cultural pretexts...

Furthermore, once Dr. Sonia left us, we realised that the World Women's Observatory is already well known in our city. Above all, the awareness-raising work we do in the field, particularly with the film "Invisibles", does not leave women indifferent. We hope that the WWO's concern to make invisible women visible will continue to resonate positively in everyone's hearts.